Dog Lips

 

                  So he actually goes out and does it, huh?

                  Well, didn’t turn out that he did it, but he really, really tried hard.

                  Like, I should be impressed?  It’s typical with him, what a dork.

                  Yeah, not like he was going to pull it off anyway.  Not in his nature, a dork for life.

                  Well … not for life, that’s for sure now.

                  Beer me, man.

                  You got it.

                  No, not much of him left anymore.

                  He did himself a favor, if you’re asking me.

                  At least, you got to say, he went out famous for not doing something.

                  Just like a dork.   Plans out something but always misses the mark.

                  Good one, exactly.

                  Yeah … you could almost smell the dorkness on him first day at school, remember?

                  How could I forget, bro?

                  I mean, like, him always coming to school, wearing Hello Kitty t-shirts.  What kind of guy goes around in a Hello Kitty t-shirt all day?  If you ask me, guy that is asking for it.  He’s making himself an open target.

                  And then what does he go and do?  He switches to wearing camouflage and military jackets and stuff.

                  Like that’s going to change anything.  And it didn’t, that’s for sure now.

                  Probably thought a girl loves a guy in camouflage.

                  He wasn’t wearing no camo night of the prom, was he?

                  That was a good one, we really got him that night, didn’t we?

                  For sure, bro, for sure.

And remember that stupid suit he was wearing?  With the frilly collar and everything?  Looked like one of those polyester leisure suits my dad and everyone else was wearing back in the day.

                  Your dad was wearing one of those polyester leisure suits?

                  Saw it in his high school yearbook.

                  Well, whatever, I’ll never forget getting Sharon in on it.  The prom queen herself, a real sport.  Telling him how she’s going to be meeting him outside on the parking lot like that after the prom, instead of her heading out somewhere with the prom king.  Then telling him she’d give him a kiss if he wore a blindfold, he must have thought, hey, am I gonna score or what?     Yeah, Sharon, she really had him going there.  And just when she’s telling him to close his eyes and just when she’s blindfolded him with those perfumed panties and he’s puckering up, we bring over the dog and, before he even knew it, he was kissing the dog lips.

                  Stop it man, you’re making me laugh too hard

                  And then, who would have ever guessed he was going to go out and do what he did.

       This guy, he couldn’t even shoot straight when he tried out for the Gun Club.

                  Never hit any target.  Just the post or some tree standing there.

                  Typical of a major dork.

                  Mean, how did this guy ever make it onto TV anyway … who would have ever thought that the ultimate dork would get as close to whacking that guy like he did.

                  Specially, when you’re packing an AK-17.

                  With him planning it all out like they just got done showing here on the tube?

                  Luck of the dork.

                  Mean, look, people even saw him walking around out there with his gun bag?  What, did they think he was a cop or something?

                  Yeah, like, what’s up with that?

                  Beer me, would you?

                  Here, catch

                  Got it.  And then he barely misses.  Sure, he hits people in the crowd around the guy, but this dork, he just zings him.

                  Anybody else, carrying an AK-17, there’d be no problem … he would have caught the guy point blank.

                  Not our dork-no-more.  Looks like the cops finally caught on and he ends up eating the dog.

                  Too bad, but at least he went down wearing his camo.

                  The one bright spot in his life.

                  Ha, well, I guess that’s that.  So let’s get this done now, what do you say?

                  Right, that stray dog’s been sniffing around the dumpster out back for way too long now, he needs his lesson too.

                  No doubt in what you say.

                  So let’s do what must be done.

                  Yeah, screw the pooch.

                  Lock and load and put it on a leash, bro.

       Just beer me first.